My (Very) Personal Journal Entry
Disclaimer: I chose a very intimate, raw and honest entry because I truly want you to understand how journaling can play out, as well as the badass outcome that can occur from journaling. As a leader, I have a responsibility and a duty to be real, brave, and vulnerable with my audience in hopes that it will inspire you all to do the same. Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. But we always are given the opportunity to choose how we react to it.
This entry is a testament to that.
I typically write and write and write until there is some kind of resolve, clarity or ending that just magically appears. It’s a feeling I get and I know I am done. It’s pretty awesome
I also tend to talk to myself like I am sitting outside of myself, looking in. It’s a great way to get new perspective on a situation. It’s kind of like your best friend giving you the raw, honest truth that makes you cringe but at the same time hits a chord.
As you will see, I cuss. Kind of a lot. It’s my way of getting things out. So if this is an issue for you don’t read it. Thanks Also, my journaling tends to be all over the board. I jump around as things come up. What’s most important is that I get them out. As you begin to journal yourself, you will most likely reveal patterns of your own writing and what works best for you. It’s one of the many benefits of writing.
I am so fucking overwhelmed!!!!
I am so tired of hearing ‘No’ or not getting any responses from the people I am reaching out to. I don’t get it!!! I have been working so hard on creating a life and business that works for me!! I feel like I am practicing all the things the experts talk about: The Law Of Attraction, meditation, slowing down, etc., etc. But nothing seems to be working!!!
What is it?! I wish I knew the answer!!!! I just want to give up. Sometimes I feel like the ups and downs just aren’t worth it. My heart hurts. I am bawling my eyes out as I write this. I know I need to cry. I feel so isolated. I don’t want people to know how hard of a time I am having. I don’t want to look weak and I don’t want to BE weak. But deep down I know that feeling this way IS NOT WEAK, it is actually STRENGTH. But it doesn’t make it any easier sometimes! It’s weird it actually feels good to cry and let it out though. I think I have been holding it back for quite sometime now. I just need to be honest about how I am feeling!!!! At least to myself!!!
I just need to calm the fuck down. Nothing is an emergency!!! And I know that everything will work itself out, I just hate feeling like things are out of my control! In reality I know I have so much help, but why do I feel the need to do it all myself??? Let go of the reigns Ashley!!! It won’t fall apart if you just let things go for crying out loud!!!!
But there’s so much to do!!!! Business, laundry, update my website, plan a yoga class, not to mention I have to plan a fucking wedding!!!! I am working out like a maniac and I haven’t noticed one bit of difference. Fuck working out!!! My back hurts and my ass isn’t any tighter than it was a month ago. Maybe this week I just need to walk by the ocean. I know this helps so why haven’t I been doing it??? It’s something that I know works for me, but with the wedding a year away I really want to start getting more toned up so I can be in the best shape of my life. But I am probably pushing myself too much. Why do I always put so much pressure on myself??!!!! Jesus!!! What’s the rush, Ash? I mean really!!! You always think there’s not enough time, when there is!!! There truly is! Now take a step back for once!! Do yourself a damn favor and let the pressure off!! The Universe has your back, remember?
The Universe has my back, The Universe has my back, The Universe has my back.”
January 15, 2015 – 7:27am
So, you can probably sense the franticness of how I was feeling at that exact moment. But I can tell you, by the end of this entry I had so much more space in my body and in my head to let in positivity and happy emotions. A weight was lifted off my shoulders and I knew exactly what to do next, which was let go of control and ask for help.
Understanding what I need (check!) Clarity about a situation (check!) More love, happiness and white space (check!)