Connection Is A Relationship, Not a "Like" Button

The other day I put a call out to y'all for your questions and the ones I have gotten so far reek (in a great way) of common human existence. What's funny is that, the underlying tone of so many of the questions have been "I'm alone. No one knows how I feel. I'm the only one who's feeling this way. HHHAAAALLLP!! I feel so isolated!" 

Oh sweet darlings, if I could just wrap you up in a big hug and tell each one of you how not alone you are, I would. 

Confession: I have moments of feeling alone too. More than I could ever could. Working from home I basically get to choose how much human interaction I have - which by the way, is a blessing and a curse. 

Remedy: As a human species we need connection, we need love, we need support from people who fucking care. Social media is not connection, it's communication. Let's please not confuse clicking a button and typing away with our thumbs as connection (and yes this includes texting). 

Connection is intimacy. It's truth. It's looking someone in the eye and saying "I understand, I'm here for you, I get it, and yes, this sucks." 

Connection is a relationship, not a "like" button.

The other day I was listening to the Chase Jarvis podcast where he interviews Brene Brown, and they were talking about healing and connection and the wilderness all things love and belonging. And what struck me most about their conversation was their claim that when it comes to creativity and living a creative, authentic, love-filled life, you must be willing to be misunderstood.

You must be willing to stand outside of the crowd and get weird looks. You must be willing to piss people off. You must be willing to disagree, and be disagreed with. You must be willing to lose “followers” (which what the hell does that mean anyway?!). You must be willing to say no. You must be strong enough to know that although this may not be the liked thing to say or do, it’s what you are called to do.

Connection is aligning with what’s important to you in your life - people, places, things. It’s aligned with your values, it’s aligned with your heart.

Sounds easy right? Not so much.

Because what often gets in the way of connection is fear. Fear of what people might say about you or what they might think about you. Your desire to be liked may out-weigh your desire for truth. Your need for approval from others may out-weigh the desire for approval from yourself. You may be too busy. You may have too many excuses. You may just be being lazy, because connection, real connection, takes work. It takes effort.

The bottom line: We are lacking connection and craving it more than ever before. And if we want more connection, we have to stop thinking we are so alone all the time.

If you’re lacking connection to yourself:

  • Spend 1 minute in bed checking in with how you feel before you get up and start your day. How’s the physical body? Mental body? Emotional body? Just get a feel for what you’re working with that day.

  • Do a Yin Yoga class.

  • Answer this question: what’s the most loving thing I could do for myself in this moment? And then do it.

If you’re lacking connection to your Higher Power (God, Source, The Universe, Divine, Mother Earth):

  • Step outside and breathe the fresh air. Just smell the air for 1 minute. I swear you’ll feel better.

  • Pray, Chant, Sing.

  • Walk into the church, the mosque, the sweat house, the temple and just be there. Give yourself permission to just be in the space and feel held.

  • Pull an affirmation card.

  • Walk through the woods. Or the desert, or in the mountains or through a valley, or just down your road for cripe sake. Connect back to the wisdom of the seasons and the wind and the trees and the birds. Nature is so effortless.

If you’re lacking connection to your friends and family:

  • Don’t just call someone to “catch up.” Call to confess. Say how you feel, ask them how they feel. Share something you have been dreaming about lately. A regret you don’t want to have, or a funny story you shared together. Go deeper.

  • Give someone a hug and really feel the hug. Or hold their hand and really know how it feels to be loved and supported by them.

  • Make a date with someone you’d love to see. Put it on the calendar. Your treat.

  • The best way to really connect with anyone is to see them, touch them, talk to them. But if you can’t do that, look back at old pictures or read old cards you’ve kept over the years, anything that will remind you you aren’t alone.

I read something the other day on social media and it said “7 million people experienced this day differently.” And is that not the goddamn truth?? Everyone has their own experience, but I can guarantee you someone felt how you felt today and some one is going through something you are going through. Maybe not in the same way, but as humans living this crazy life, together.

What’s your favorite way to create more connection in your life? Tell me below!! I want all the ideas I can gobble up.